Have you ever worried that your child at nursery or pre-school refuses to share with their classmates \u2013 or even with you, their parents? Could this play a role in your child\u2019s development?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In fact, this is a milestone in children\u2019s development. It\u2019s another step forward.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In the adult world, self-centred thinking and behaviour are viewed very negatively. As mature adults, it is important that we consider others, look at things from different perspectives, and avoid making hasty, subjective decisions. Of course, this is often not easy, even for us.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
One important stage in children\u2019s brain development is the emergence of egocentrism. If the behaviour resulting from this is consistently met with negative reinforcement, it can lead to serious psychological developmental difficulties in the long term. From infancy onwards, children gradually begin to discover, step by step, that they have power over themselves. At first, it is merely an inner, primal urge that drives them to touch and taste things, thereby gathering information about various objects, people and even their own body parts. After a little time and practice, it becomes increasingly clear to them that their hands and feet are part of their bodies, over which they have control, and that they can move them at will. This is where their belief in themselves begins \u2013 the realisation that they function independently of others and their environment. They discover that they have control over many things. They are only able to consider their own perspective. Consequently, they are unable to put themselves in someone else\u2019s shoes, and thus to think of others. This, however, is a perfectly healthy and appropriate way of thinking up to the age of 5 or 6. The development of egocentrism in early childhood marks the attainment of another milestone in a child\u2019s development. It is not a fault, but good news!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Of course, the question arises: \u201eShould I be pleased that my child bullies their peers, thinks everything belongs to them, and is unable to cooperate?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We are social beings, and naturally we must teach young children to cooperate, but we need to know what can and cannot be expected at this age, and what works and what doesn\u2019t. This is because a young child\u2019s brain will not easily grasp what it is like to be in someone else\u2019s shoes. They are only just beginning to understand their own situation. A child aged between 0 and 5 is not capable of understanding the following sentences:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It is down to our patience, attention and creativity to show them, slowly and step by step, and to help them understand (in their own language) that their feelings are not the only ones that exist.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
To give an illustrative example, let me introduce Laci (2\u00bd), who one afternoon, in an outburst of emotion, started tearing up his storybooks. An adult nearby stepped over to him and told him off. They told Laci off, explaining that this was no way to look at storybooks, and that he should be ashamed of himself. Laci, with the self-confidence typical of his age, turned up his nose and thought he\u2019d leave the reading corner without a word. On the way, however, he tripped and banged his head against the shelf. The emotions he\u2019d been holding back until then flooded out like water spilling over the rim of a glass, and he began to cry uncontrollably. The adult, armed with little empathy but plenty of teaching lessons, immediately declared: \u201eServes you right, you deserve it, because you tore the books!\u201d Of course, this did nothing to help Laci either stop crying or learn his lesson. I suspect he simply felt even greater anger towards the books, but mainly towards the adult. Fortunately, another person was also watching the situation unfold and recognised the opportunity for genuine learning. First of all, they asked Laci what had happened; whether he\u2019d bumped his head; where it hurt; and if he\u2019d like a healing kiss. The child immediately opened up to the adult, expressing his feelings in his own way once he saw that the adult empathised with him; this instantly eased his tension, and he stopped crying. The adult \u2013 with Laci on their lap \u2013 repeated that they knew how awful it must have felt to bump his head, then added: \u201eYou know, Laci, just imagine, the books are very sad right now too, and they\u2019re crying as well. It hurt them too when you tore them apart. I\u2019m sure they\u2019d appreciate a healing kiss to cheer them up. What do you think, would they like a kiss?\u201d You could see Laci thinking about it; then he got up of his own accord from the grown-up\u2019s lap, walked over to the books and kissed every storybook he\u2019d torn.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Our most difficult task as parents is to bring up our children with patience. To wait for the moment when life presents our child with a situation from which they can learn. Because, whether we like it or not, children learn best from their own mistakes and from insights that arise from within themselves. It is of little use sitting down with them to \u2018discuss\u2019 things when we have the time, or repeating the lesson over and over; we will be significantly less effective. We need to be patient and use our imagination to help children recognise the learning opportunities around them. It is only through their own feelings that they can gradually come to understand (depending on the pace of their brain development) how others feel. The more playful we are, the better. The first step, however, is always empathy and acceptance of the current situation and emotions. Until their own feelings are acknowledged by others, learning is impossible. Until they are understood, others cannot find understanding through them either.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
#parenting #family #upbringing #being a mum #mum #this is it #what should I do #help #advice #counselling #what life is like #positive parenting #child development #egocentrism #coaching #parenting #difficulties #arguments # therapy # conflict # teaching # young child # child # empathy # cooperation # task # solution # self#development #child-centred<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Agg\u00f3dt\u00e1l m\u00e1r azon, hogy a b\u00f6lcsis – ovis gyereked nem hajland\u00f3 osztozkodni t\u00e1rsaival, s\u0151t m\u00e9g veletek sz\u00fcl\u0151kkel sem? Lehet, hogy van ennek szerepe a gyermek fejl\u0151d\u00e9s\u00e9ben? Val\u00f3j\u00e1ban, ez egy c\u00e9l a gyermekek fejl\u0151d\u00e9se sor\u00e1n. Egy \u00fajabb l\u00e9pcs\u0151fok. Eg\u00e9szs\u00e9ges az egocentrizmus? A feln\u0151ttek vil\u00e1g\u00e1ban igen negat\u00edvan van \u00e9rt\u00e9kelve az \u00e9nk\u00f6zpont\u00fa gondolkod\u00e1sm\u00f3d \u00e9s viselked\u00e9s. \u00c9rett emberekk\u00e9nt fontos, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":36,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[70,69,57,30,89,83,84,88,85,82,11,8,74,78,79,71,44,81,86,15,77,58,90,73,18,76,39,72,80,64],"class_list":["post-202","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-gyerekneveles","tag-anya","tag-anyanaklenni","tag-coaching","tag-csalad","tag-egocentrizmus","tag-egyutterzes","tag-egyuttmukodes","tag-fejlodes","tag-feladat","tag-gyerek","tag-gyerekneveles","tag-gyerekrehangolva","tag-gyermekifejlodes","tag-harapas","tag-harc","tag-hiszti","tag-ilyenazelet","tag-kisgyermek","tag-megoldas","tag-mittegyek","tag-nehezsegek","tag-neveles","tag-onzo","tag-pozitivneveles","tag-segitseg","tag-szuloseg","tag-tanacs","tag-tanacsadas","tag-tanitas","tag-veszekedes"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/dev.gyerekrehangolva.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/202","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/dev.gyerekrehangolva.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/dev.gyerekrehangolva.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dev.gyerekrehangolva.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dev.gyerekrehangolva.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=202"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/dev.gyerekrehangolva.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/202\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5736,"href":"https:\/\/dev.gyerekrehangolva.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/202\/revisions\/5736"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dev.gyerekrehangolva.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/36"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/dev.gyerekrehangolva.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=202"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dev.gyerekrehangolva.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=202"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dev.gyerekrehangolva.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=202"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}