{"id":5403,"date":"2026-07-06T22:26:39","date_gmt":"2026-07-06T20:26:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/dev.gyerekrehangolva.hu\/?p=5403"},"modified":"2026-07-06T22:26:39","modified_gmt":"2026-07-06T20:26:39","slug":"szofogado-gyerek-partner","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/dev.gyerekrehangolva.hu\/en\/szofogado-gyerek-partner\/","title":{"rendered":"Your child will be more obedient if you treat them as a partner"},"content":{"rendered":"

Children don\u2019t listen and don\u2019t want to cooperate. They long for independence. As parents, although we try to support their development, we don\u2019t want to lose our authority or let control slip from our grasp. So what can we do to avoid conflict?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Parenting is a great responsibility. It is up to us to nourish our children\u2019s bodies and souls properly. We must help them understand how both the outside world and their own inner world work, and teach them to respect each other\u2019s boundaries. We must allow them to gain experience, whilst still protecting them from potential dangers.<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n

If our children were merely puppets we controlled, we might never even question the excellence of our own parenting. However, children are born free, and as time goes on (and indeed even from infancy), they increasingly make this clear to us. They do not obey, they do not cooperate, and indeed they often go out of their way to defy our instructions. Children\u2019s goal is to become independent, so that they can, as soon as possible, become responsible and self-reliant adults just like us, their parents. And it is at this point that the two roles often clash.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The child wants to feel that they have power (knowledge, ability) over themselves and their environment, whilst the parent wants to avoid losing their authority and not letting control slip from their grasp \u2013 something they feel is necessary due to their sense of responsibility. But what can be done about this? How can we find that middle ground which allows the child to experiment with independence, whilst giving the parent the necessary control? A partnership can provide that common ground. A form of communication that neither overestimates nor underestimates either party. It allows for active participation and a joint final decision.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Responsible decision-making also requires practice<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

\u201eThe child doesn\u2019t yet know what they need.\u201d<\/i> One can partly agree with this frequently heard statement, but we must not forget that we want to bring up our children so that, in time, they are able to make well-considered decisions, and for that they will need practice. We cannot expect a two-year-old to responsibly decide whether or not they need a nap during the day, but explaining the \u2018whys\u2019 to them will have a significant impact on the development of their judgement (which is fundamentally a slow process, taking years). If, instead of asserting our parental authority, we explain to them that their muscles need a rest, and that a \u2018film\u2019 is about to start playing in their head, we can make the importance of sleep interesting and understandable to them too. What\u2019s more, it turns the task into a game, with the result that they eventually agree to it of their own accord and take part in the process. This is a form of practice in itself, especially if we allow them to play an active part \u2013 for example, they can give names to their body parts or say \u2018goodnight\u2019 to them. Our imagination can run wild in any situation that calls for cooperation. If the child senses partnership, openness and a shared language, they will consent of their own accord to events that would otherwise be non-negotiable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Communication with partners<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Our communication<\/a> It is crucial right from the start of bringing up a child, and even more so during times of conflict. Our conversations (or monologues) with our children prepare them for what to expect, explain why certain things are necessary, and reveal the possible consequences, which in turn provide little ones with a sense of predictability and security. In addition to all this, our words give meaning to the emotions we are feeling, which children are particularly good at sensing, but do not necessarily know how to interpret properly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

If, on the other hand, our feelings are in tune with what we are saying, children understand more of them than we might think. Sharing our difficulties with them \u2013 regarding their behaviour (not their character!) \u2013 turns them into partners. It suggests that they are treated as people, meaning they have an impact on their environment. And if, in the same way, we enable them to play an active part in finding solutions, the excitement of brainstorming and decision-making may well increase the likelihood of their cooperation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Both identifying and solving problems can be a joint endeavour<\/h3>\n\n\n\n

Children \u2013 however young they may be \u2013 can sometimes come up with truly surprising solutions to problems. That is precisely why it is always worth involving them in the issues that concern them their tantrum<\/a> and their unwillingness to listen. Sometimes they themselves know best what can help them get dressed on their own, cut down on the time they spend dawdling, or actually tidy up after free play.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If we give them the opportunity to play an active part in the process, that in itself makes them feel good. They take this to mean that adults recognise their competence and are giving them the chance to practise. We can express what is causing difficulty or making us \u2013 or them \u2013 feel uncomfortable, and how we might find a solution to this. We can offer choices and suggest possible consequences for inappropriate behaviour, but we can also ask them what they think about these. They won\u2019t always have good ideas, and they won\u2019t always want to take part in this process, but they often will. And when that happens, sticking to what has been agreed will be much more appealing to them. It is easier for anyone to contradict someone else than to contradict themselves, and people are more willing to follow rules they have set for themselves. Over time, sufficiently responsibility<\/a> It could turn out that way, too.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Originally published on: divany.hu, 25 March 2021.<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A gyerekek nem fogadnak sz\u00f3t, nem akarnak egy\u00fcttm\u0171k\u00f6dni. \u00d6n\u00e1ll\u00f3sod\u00e1sra v\u00e1gynak. Mi, sz\u00fcl\u0151k pedig, b\u00e1r igyeksz\u00fcnk t\u00e1mogatni fejl\u0151d\u00e9s\u00fcket, nem szeretn\u00e9nk elvesz\u00edteni a tekint\u00e9ly\u00fcnket, \u00e9s hagyni kics\u00faszni a kez\u00fcnkb\u0151l az ir\u00e1ny\u00edt\u00e1st. De akkor mit lehet tenni az \u00fctk\u00f6z\u00e9s elker\u00fcl\u00e9s\u00e9nek \u00e9rdek\u00e9ben? A sz\u00fcl\u0151s\u00e9g nagy felel\u0151ss\u00e9ggel j\u00e1r. Nek\u00fcnk kell megfelel\u0151en t\u00e1pl\u00e1lni a gyerekeink test\u00e9t \u00e9s a lelk\u00e9t. Megismertetni vel\u00fck […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5404,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[209],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5403","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-divany"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/dev.gyerekrehangolva.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5403","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/dev.gyerekrehangolva.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/dev.gyerekrehangolva.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dev.gyerekrehangolva.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dev.gyerekrehangolva.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5403"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/dev.gyerekrehangolva.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5403\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5406,"href":"https:\/\/dev.gyerekrehangolva.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5403\/revisions\/5406"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dev.gyerekrehangolva.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5404"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/dev.gyerekrehangolva.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5403"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dev.gyerekrehangolva.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5403"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dev.gyerekrehangolva.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5403"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}